Linguistics, Logic, and the Lack Thereof

I remember, years ago, while working in the States how tricky things could get when dealing with immigrants who spoke a foreign language. In my hometown, most foreigners were from Mexico and spoke Spanish along with a little broken English. I'm not a racist by any means, but I used to get really annoyed when conducting any sort of business with them. If a transaction got too complicated or they were not liking the outcome, the broken English would turn into zero English. It seemed almost like flipping a switch or pouting when they didn't get their way. My most memorable experience was a group of rather rowdy Mexican neighbors. The time was about 3:00 AM, and they were still outside drinking, partying, and blasting Mariachi music. The entire time, I could hear them speaking in plain English until the police arrived. Suddenly, it was all "No Habla Ingles" and it took another hour for a bilingual officer to show up. I found this particularly annoying as they used a language barrier as means to an end. The "end" in this case was another hour of partying while I tried to sleep.

Moving on to the year 2010 and myself now living in a foreign country. I will be perfectly honest with you, my spoken Thai is just about as bad as it gets. I understand alot more than I'm comfortable speaking. It's easy to get lazy here because so many people here do actually speak a small amount of English. Last week, I found myself locked into an argument negotiating with a taxi driver over a ridiculously high fare quote. He wanted 100 baht for a quick trip to the gate on the other side of the moat. 40 or even 60 would have been appropriate. I can usually walk it on foot in about 20 or 30 minutes, but I was late to meet a friend. He used his broken English to explain that there is a one way street and you must go all the way around the moat. Yes, there is a one way that goes all the way around, but there are also plenty of other routes that cut right through. After trying to explain this, I was just pretty much ready to throw my hands up and walk away. I then realized that I was no better than "Mister No Habla Ingles" back in America. I managed to butcher a few street names and directions in Thai, and got my 40 baht fare. Granted, I still had to walk an extra block to get exactly where I wanted to go, but I got what I wanted for a reasonable price.

The one really interesting thing for me if what I call "Tinglish". It's the way that many Thais speak English to foreigners. Most of it is far from correct, but at least it's universal for the most part. Once you learn what the common misused words and grammar mistakes are, you can understand most people who speak "Tinglish". I only get really annoyed when I hear two American foreigners speaking in broken English TO EACH OTHER!!!

• Bob: Restaurant (points) you like?
• Joe: Yes, take away good!
• Bob: Yes, same same me. You want?
• Joe: Money small today
• Bob: No worry. I pay you

TRANSLATION:

• Bob: Do you like this restaurant
• Joe: Yes, they have good take out food!
• Bob: Yes, I like it also. Would you like to get something to eat?
• Joe: Sorry, I don't have much money with me today
• Bob: That's alright, I'll take care of it

I tend to hang my head in shame when I hear this sort of thing. You almost know immediately that these guys have been spending most of their waking moments re-learning English from the ever so colorful (but not so bright) ladies in the local "service industry", but that is a topic for another post.