Day Two Back in the USA

Still jetlagged, still unemployed, and now flat broke. How's that for a homecoming? I know that I was facing an indefinite prison term in a Thai jail if I stayed in Thailand. I am grateful for all those who helped me in my time of need, but I can't help but wonder which of the two evils is the lesser.

Today was another few dead ends looking for work, and tomorrow I will be on the street again, in a quite literal sense. I've done my best to find my way around here in this city on foot. It's a bit bigger than what I'm used to, but not impossible. I've done my best to source assistance where I can, but there's alot of people here that have been doing the same for a good long time before I got here.

Tomorrow I will be back on the road. I'll check out of my hotel and get my $100 deposit back. From there I don't quite know what's next. I have found a weekly rental for a few dollars more about a mile away, but that might just be prolonging the inevitable. I need to get moving and see where the road takes me.

I know that with the whole court case in Thailand, it was far from an easy situation to be in. With that said, it's hard to believe right now that three days ago I had a home, a job, and a life. Sure it wasn't ideal, but I had some stability despite the legal troubles. In my deepest heart of hearts I am truly sad to have left all that behind. I had found a sense of inner peace there despite all that I had been through. My heart aches and I feel a deep sense of loss.

Right now I need to remember the teachings I received there and do my best to plug along. I learned a long time ago to stop chasing "wants" and go after "needs" per my Buddhist teachers. Wanting things only gets you into trouble because you can't take it with you when you're dead. Making yourself a better person is the true goal, and it will come back to you. Since I have been living this lifestyle, I have seen some amazing things happen. I don't want to start a religious or cultural debate, but I will tell you that the other half of the world believes in the "Do unto others" philosophy despite never having read a Bible. It's just simple math.

I know one Burmese guy that never got down about anything. The Thai Government had deported him several times, but he kept getting back in. I crossed a few borders with him back in the day and not once did I need a passport to do so. Little hard to do from here, but I learned something very important from him. That one thing is "never stop moving forward. It's the only direction you can go". Time will not wait, it is a constant in the universe. Actions are what determines your path and time sets the pace. You have to either keep up or get the heck out of the way.

Now it's my turn to decide. I have to either keep moving forward or get out of the way. Not an easy choice, but forward looks like a good option. It's a small miracle that I'm still alive today. Surviving America will be the next step.

Sorry for the long blog post, but if you got this far I thank you for reading. I'm not sure when I will have the chance to post again, so I wanted to make the best of it while I could.

As always, take care of yourselves and each other.

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